The delicate birch twigs that etch the clear blue skies of March now dangle with catkins, and the gray, fuzzy buds of pussy willow swell. Brave crocus break though the still frosty ground, opening their petals to the sun. Beneath the blanket of leaves that has covered the herb garden throughout its long winters sleep, the peppermint is sending out new runners, and tiny whorls of woodruff leaves dot the ground. In the woodland garden, patches of moss grow a thick, lush green, and the strange and exotic flowers of the skunk cabbage bloom.
A love struck starling throws back his head and sings a courting song to his mate, who already wears the sleek, black feathers of spring, while in the open meadows flocks of migrating robins graze in the still-brown grass. In the hedgerows, cock pheasants, like phoenixes come to life from an ancient Chinese vase, challange one another with fierce displays of feathers and spurs.
On a day in March, while the herb garden still lies dormant under its blanket of leaves, when crocus and snowdrops begin to push through the frosty earth and when the pussy willow buds begin to break and the robins return to their ancestral nesting sites- take a moment to immerse yourself in the wonderous cycle of life happening all around you.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, December 02, 2012
The Holidays
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season.
The Christians called it “Christmas” and went to church.
The Jews called it “Hanukkah” and went to synagogue.
The atheists went to parties and drank.
These days, people say “Seasons Greetings”, which when you think about it, means nothing. It’s like walking up to someone and saying “Appropriate Remark” in a loud and cheerful voice.
Some of you may be unhappy with this dereligionizing of the Holiday Season and you may have decided that you’re going to celebrate the old fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing cranberries and exchanging homemade gifts.
Well, you can forget it.
If everyone pulled a stunt like that, the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to intervene, forming a cabinet level Department of Holiday Gifting, which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming thousands. So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with the program. This means you should get a large sum of money and go to a mall.
When you get to the mall, the first thing to remember is that you should not park in the mall parking lot and walk to the mall buildings, because you will probably get killed. Instead drive your car right up to and, if possible, right into the mall building. This is perfectly legal, people do it all the time. In almost every mall I’ve ever been to, the corridors were littered with cars, RVs, snowmobiles and boats left by smart parkers.
Now you are ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Here is a very efficient shopping method: Divide the amount of money you have by the number of people on your gift list. So if you have $160 and you have 10 people on your list, your average is $16 per person. Now find something that costs $16 and buy 10 of whatever it is. You’ll find many useful gifts in this price range; for example, you could get 10 bottles of Vitamin B. Everyone can use Vitamin B and your children are sure to shriek with delight when they find it under the tree.
If you want to buy gifts that are a little more personal, here are some guidelines:
Gifts for Men
Men are amused by almost any idiot thing, that is why professional ice hockey is so popular. So buying gifts for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes. Men believe that they already have all the clothes they will ever need and new ones make them nervous. If you give him something even as simple as a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you. If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires.
Gifts for Women
Again, you should avoid buying clothes. Not because women don’t like clothes, the problem here is sizes. Women’s clothing sizes don’t mean anything,they vary from store to store, from manufacturer to manufacturer depending on the day of the week or the time of year. Trying to buy clothes will give you migraine headaches or cause you to spend time in the nearest bar. This means you will drink too much and end up having to go to AA meetings. Plus all those meetings really cuts into your available shopping time.
The safest gifts for women are expensive little bottles of scented liquids. These are sold at cosmetic counters under names such as “Eau De Water de Toilette” and “Endless Nights of Endless Nights”.
Gifts for Children
This is really easy, you never have to figure out what to buy for kids because they will tell you, over and over and over……………… Just make sure that you get them exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If the child thinks that they want Murderous Bob, the toy with the face that you can rip right off, you’d better get it. Now you may be worried that it might help to encourage the childs’ anti-social tendencies, but you have not seen anti-social tendencies until you have witnessed a child who is convinced that they have not been given the right gift.
The Christians called it “Christmas” and went to church.
The Jews called it “Hanukkah” and went to synagogue.
The atheists went to parties and drank.
These days, people say “Seasons Greetings”, which when you think about it, means nothing. It’s like walking up to someone and saying “Appropriate Remark” in a loud and cheerful voice.
Some of you may be unhappy with this dereligionizing of the Holiday Season and you may have decided that you’re going to celebrate the old fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing cranberries and exchanging homemade gifts.
Well, you can forget it.
If everyone pulled a stunt like that, the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to intervene, forming a cabinet level Department of Holiday Gifting, which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming thousands. So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with the program. This means you should get a large sum of money and go to a mall.
When you get to the mall, the first thing to remember is that you should not park in the mall parking lot and walk to the mall buildings, because you will probably get killed. Instead drive your car right up to and, if possible, right into the mall building. This is perfectly legal, people do it all the time. In almost every mall I’ve ever been to, the corridors were littered with cars, RVs, snowmobiles and boats left by smart parkers.
Now you are ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Here is a very efficient shopping method: Divide the amount of money you have by the number of people on your gift list. So if you have $160 and you have 10 people on your list, your average is $16 per person. Now find something that costs $16 and buy 10 of whatever it is. You’ll find many useful gifts in this price range; for example, you could get 10 bottles of Vitamin B. Everyone can use Vitamin B and your children are sure to shriek with delight when they find it under the tree.
If you want to buy gifts that are a little more personal, here are some guidelines:
Gifts for Men
Men are amused by almost any idiot thing, that is why professional ice hockey is so popular. So buying gifts for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes. Men believe that they already have all the clothes they will ever need and new ones make them nervous. If you give him something even as simple as a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you. If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires.
Gifts for Women
Again, you should avoid buying clothes. Not because women don’t like clothes, the problem here is sizes. Women’s clothing sizes don’t mean anything,they vary from store to store, from manufacturer to manufacturer depending on the day of the week or the time of year. Trying to buy clothes will give you migraine headaches or cause you to spend time in the nearest bar. This means you will drink too much and end up having to go to AA meetings. Plus all those meetings really cuts into your available shopping time.
The safest gifts for women are expensive little bottles of scented liquids. These are sold at cosmetic counters under names such as “Eau De Water de Toilette” and “Endless Nights of Endless Nights”.
Gifts for Children
This is really easy, you never have to figure out what to buy for kids because they will tell you, over and over and over……………… Just make sure that you get them exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If the child thinks that they want Murderous Bob, the toy with the face that you can rip right off, you’d better get it. Now you may be worried that it might help to encourage the childs’ anti-social tendencies, but you have not seen anti-social tendencies until you have witnessed a child who is convinced that they have not been given the right gift.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent and self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat on the shores of a lovely pond in a verdant meadow near her home.
The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said,
"Elegant Lady, I was once, a very long time ago, a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you however, and I will turn back into the powerful man that I was. Then my sweet, my government shall return and I shall take care of your every need. I will take charge of every aspect of your life, protect you from harm and re-institute all the laws. All you will have to do for this service is to forever feel grateful and happy as you bow to my every demand. It will all be for your own good, for you will no longer have any cares."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, " I don't fucking think so."
The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said,
"Elegant Lady, I was once, a very long time ago, a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you however, and I will turn back into the powerful man that I was. Then my sweet, my government shall return and I shall take care of your every need. I will take charge of every aspect of your life, protect you from harm and re-institute all the laws. All you will have to do for this service is to forever feel grateful and happy as you bow to my every demand. It will all be for your own good, for you will no longer have any cares."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, " I don't fucking think so."
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
July
The heat and haze of summer afternoons, the buzz of the cicadas in the still, oppressive air, are sometimes interrupted by a sudden summer storm. More often the roll of distant thunder brings no rain to relieve the heat or quench the parched vegetables. Leaves wilt in the afternoon heat. When rain does come, it is often in the form of a downpour with such pounding force that it bruises the leaves of growing plants, releasing the fragrance of a multitude of herbs into the warm, moist air.
The first major harvest from the garden is cabbage. When all the cabbage has been picked, I remove the outer leaves for stuffing and split the heads. I slice the quartered heads dime thin, weigh the shredded vegetable and then add three tablespoons of salt to each five pounds. Then the cabbage is stomped in an old crock until it is covered with its own liquid. This will ferment in the cellar until it is canned sometime during the waning moon in September.
Later in the month, when all the plants have turned yellow and fallen over, the potatoes are ready to harvest. Jeff2 gently turns the soil with a pitch fork while I follow him, my bare feet planted in the dirt, my fingers feeling in the warm moist soil for the potatoes as the rich loamy aroma wafts up into my nose.
By the last day of the month, our harvest is in full swing. We have tasted the abundance, we have eaten our fill of tomatoes and peaches and corn on the cob. I have begun to can tomatoes and pickle cucumbers, and the cellar is beginning to be filled.
The first major harvest from the garden is cabbage. When all the cabbage has been picked, I remove the outer leaves for stuffing and split the heads. I slice the quartered heads dime thin, weigh the shredded vegetable and then add three tablespoons of salt to each five pounds. Then the cabbage is stomped in an old crock until it is covered with its own liquid. This will ferment in the cellar until it is canned sometime during the waning moon in September.
Later in the month, when all the plants have turned yellow and fallen over, the potatoes are ready to harvest. Jeff2 gently turns the soil with a pitch fork while I follow him, my bare feet planted in the dirt, my fingers feeling in the warm moist soil for the potatoes as the rich loamy aroma wafts up into my nose.
By the last day of the month, our harvest is in full swing. We have tasted the abundance, we have eaten our fill of tomatoes and peaches and corn on the cob. I have begun to can tomatoes and pickle cucumbers, and the cellar is beginning to be filled.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Choices abd Consequences
The young man lay dying. He knew this to be a fact, he knew he was mortally wounded.
An older man approached him, this surprised him as everyone he knew was either dead or dying, and this man was in perfect health.
“Who are you?” the young man asked.
“I am you.” the older man answered simply.
“How can that be, I am dying……I won’t live to be old.”
The older man settled down beside the younger man, and made himself comfortable before replying.
“Because in a different life you made a different choice.”
“You’re crazy” the younger man replied “How can that be, I am right here, and I know that I am done for.”
“See, what you don’t understand is that you have had this choice before, and you chose differently.” The older man appeared to be lost in remembering.
Then a great saddness came over him, an almost visible weight that made him appear even older………
“Because in my lifetime, you chose to live. You decided that being alive was more important than being true to yourself. You decided that it was better to believe whatever you were told, instead of thinking for yourself.” the old man replied.
“I don’t believe you.” the younger man answered “I wouldn’t do that.”
“You decided,” the older man continued as if he hadn’t heard, “that no matter what you had to do, you would live.”
The older man was quiet for a moment and tears came into his eyes.
“You betrayed your friends, your morals and even your family. You turned a blind eye to what was really happening, as long as you could live. You watched as the world turned upside down, caring more for yourself than for anyone else. Your fear of being different, of being noticed, of what “they” could do to you was more important than finding out the truth. It was more important than acting on what you knew was right. It was more important than protecting your friends and your family. It was more important than taking responsibility for yourself. Of standing for something. “
The old man stopped for a moment. Wracked by sobs, he was having trouble speaking.
Finally he began again, “So you lived a long time. But you lived without your friends and your family. You were totally alone, but you were alive. It took a long time for you to realise that there is so much more to really living than just drawing breath. All of your life it was others who told you what to do, where to go and how to live. Finally, finally you realized that what you had bought when you sold out was existance, not life. As a result you became a slave, a certified numbered, poked and prodded piece of chattel.”
The old man shifted his position, wiped his eyes and cleared his throat.
“Then you began to remember and to think. You remembered your family and your friends. You finally felt regret. You finally remembered that standing up is better than being led. That being alive doesn’t mean a damn thing if you sell out. “
The old man shifted his position again so he could look the younger man in the eye.
“You finally remembered that you had a choice, that your life didn’t have to be an empty and meaningless series of days and routines. So you went back to that moment when you made that choice to sell out, to save yourself. You and your friends decided that to sacrifice yourselves to save your families was the only moral and meaningful decision. So, here I am………… here I am again, but with a different choice. In my lifetime all this was swept under the carpet, because I sold everyone out, and no one knew what happened here.”
The old man shook his head and pointed, “Look around you; you and your friends gave your lives to save others, to save your families. This time this will not go unnoticed, things will begin to change, because with your sacrifice you gave people hope. They will see that change is possible, and necessary. Oh, not all of them, but enough.”
“So what are you going to do?” the younger man asked.
Quietly the older man answered, ” Do what I should have done instead of being a selfish coward. I will die here with you.”
An older man approached him, this surprised him as everyone he knew was either dead or dying, and this man was in perfect health.
“Who are you?” the young man asked.
“I am you.” the older man answered simply.
“How can that be, I am dying……I won’t live to be old.”
The older man settled down beside the younger man, and made himself comfortable before replying.
“Because in a different life you made a different choice.”
“You’re crazy” the younger man replied “How can that be, I am right here, and I know that I am done for.”
“See, what you don’t understand is that you have had this choice before, and you chose differently.” The older man appeared to be lost in remembering.
Then a great saddness came over him, an almost visible weight that made him appear even older………
“Because in my lifetime, you chose to live. You decided that being alive was more important than being true to yourself. You decided that it was better to believe whatever you were told, instead of thinking for yourself.” the old man replied.
“I don’t believe you.” the younger man answered “I wouldn’t do that.”
“You decided,” the older man continued as if he hadn’t heard, “that no matter what you had to do, you would live.”
The older man was quiet for a moment and tears came into his eyes.
“You betrayed your friends, your morals and even your family. You turned a blind eye to what was really happening, as long as you could live. You watched as the world turned upside down, caring more for yourself than for anyone else. Your fear of being different, of being noticed, of what “they” could do to you was more important than finding out the truth. It was more important than acting on what you knew was right. It was more important than protecting your friends and your family. It was more important than taking responsibility for yourself. Of standing for something. “
The old man stopped for a moment. Wracked by sobs, he was having trouble speaking.
Finally he began again, “So you lived a long time. But you lived without your friends and your family. You were totally alone, but you were alive. It took a long time for you to realise that there is so much more to really living than just drawing breath. All of your life it was others who told you what to do, where to go and how to live. Finally, finally you realized that what you had bought when you sold out was existance, not life. As a result you became a slave, a certified numbered, poked and prodded piece of chattel.”
The old man shifted his position, wiped his eyes and cleared his throat.
“Then you began to remember and to think. You remembered your family and your friends. You finally felt regret. You finally remembered that standing up is better than being led. That being alive doesn’t mean a damn thing if you sell out. “
The old man shifted his position again so he could look the younger man in the eye.
“You finally remembered that you had a choice, that your life didn’t have to be an empty and meaningless series of days and routines. So you went back to that moment when you made that choice to sell out, to save yourself. You and your friends decided that to sacrifice yourselves to save your families was the only moral and meaningful decision. So, here I am………… here I am again, but with a different choice. In my lifetime all this was swept under the carpet, because I sold everyone out, and no one knew what happened here.”
The old man shook his head and pointed, “Look around you; you and your friends gave your lives to save others, to save your families. This time this will not go unnoticed, things will begin to change, because with your sacrifice you gave people hope. They will see that change is possible, and necessary. Oh, not all of them, but enough.”
“So what are you going to do?” the younger man asked.
Quietly the older man answered, ” Do what I should have done instead of being a selfish coward. I will die here with you.”
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
T.O.B.A.
This stands for Tough Old Broads Association.
I have not posted here in a long time, and it is past time for me to do so. This site has evolved into a place for my alter-ego to say all those things that are normally left unspoken. Things that you want to say, but for the sake of peace and harmony you bite your tongue and don't say out loud. Well, I am damned tired of holding it all in. Of biting my tongue off. It is time to vent.
.....
Oh where to start.........where to start.........there is no lack of material.
Just how do you know if you are a tough old broad? It really is quite simple. If you have survived- with your brain mostly intact-raising children, dealing with men, a job........sometimes just life, you qualify.
If you are tired of dealing with air headed bimbos with their expensive clothes, hair, make-up, lipo-suctioned, face-lifted, ass lifted and breast augmented bodies......useless as shit on a pump handle and dumb as a monkeys ass.....you are welcome here.
If you are tired of dealing with men. I really don't want to lump them all into one basic category, but let's face the facts here. I have yet to meet a single one who will be straight up with you. Who will not tell you what they think you want to hear. Who treats you like a person, an intelligent human being......you are welcome here.
Sarcasm has become my marching song. I just can't seem to get by with out it anymore. Sadly, most people don't even catch the fact that I am being sarcastic. It just flies right over their heads......too bad it can't drop shit on its way over.....................maybe that would get their attention.
Where has honesty, integrity. morals, common sense and common courtesy dissappeared to? What I have experienced is the fact that everyone is out for themselves, me first and fuck you if you happen to get in the way. I am worn out and tired of the bullshit. I am fed up with people who complain, whine, bitch and complain some more. but are totally unwilling to grow a spine and do what needs to be done. At that point you deserve the consequences of your own actions or in-actions. Period. You tolerate it, you send the message that it is ok. So shut up and deal already. Obviously things are not bad enough to walk away from.
I AM a tough old broad. Sometimes I am a tough old cast iron bitch. Mostly I am just tired of people not having enough of a back bone to be just be honest.
More to come..............
I have not posted here in a long time, and it is past time for me to do so. This site has evolved into a place for my alter-ego to say all those things that are normally left unspoken. Things that you want to say, but for the sake of peace and harmony you bite your tongue and don't say out loud. Well, I am damned tired of holding it all in. Of biting my tongue off. It is time to vent.
.....
Oh where to start.........where to start.........there is no lack of material.
Just how do you know if you are a tough old broad? It really is quite simple. If you have survived- with your brain mostly intact-raising children, dealing with men, a job........sometimes just life, you qualify.
If you are tired of dealing with air headed bimbos with their expensive clothes, hair, make-up, lipo-suctioned, face-lifted, ass lifted and breast augmented bodies......useless as shit on a pump handle and dumb as a monkeys ass.....you are welcome here.
If you are tired of dealing with men. I really don't want to lump them all into one basic category, but let's face the facts here. I have yet to meet a single one who will be straight up with you. Who will not tell you what they think you want to hear. Who treats you like a person, an intelligent human being......you are welcome here.
Sarcasm has become my marching song. I just can't seem to get by with out it anymore. Sadly, most people don't even catch the fact that I am being sarcastic. It just flies right over their heads......too bad it can't drop shit on its way over.....................maybe that would get their attention.
Where has honesty, integrity. morals, common sense and common courtesy dissappeared to? What I have experienced is the fact that everyone is out for themselves, me first and fuck you if you happen to get in the way. I am worn out and tired of the bullshit. I am fed up with people who complain, whine, bitch and complain some more. but are totally unwilling to grow a spine and do what needs to be done. At that point you deserve the consequences of your own actions or in-actions. Period. You tolerate it, you send the message that it is ok. So shut up and deal already. Obviously things are not bad enough to walk away from.
I AM a tough old broad. Sometimes I am a tough old cast iron bitch. Mostly I am just tired of people not having enough of a back bone to be just be honest.
More to come..............
Saturday, February 14, 2009
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